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Submitted by:
Jony, 15 Nov 2008 |
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Jail
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A white guy, a
Chinese guy, and a Hispanic guy
are breaking out of jail. They get
all the way to the top of a hill,
and at the bottom there is a
barbed wired fence. The white guy
says, 'O.k. whatever happens when
you hit the ground DON'T SCREAM!'
The white guy goes first, he
breaks a leg, doesn't scream.
The Chinese guy goes he breaks a
arm, doesn't scream.
Then the Hispanic guy goes, and
screams his head off! The other
two ask him why he screamed so he
points at the fence and says, 'Looky,
looky, balls on hooky.' |
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Submitted by:
Somny, 15 Nov 2008 |
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Kind Hearted People Are
The Ones You Can Bully
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At a crossroads
in the countryside, there stood a
temple wherein was enshrined a
statue of god carved in wood.
One day, a man was pursuing his
way when he saw a ditch before
him. So he removed the statue from
the temple and put it down
lengthwise to span the ditch. He
stepped on it and crossed over.
Then another man came along.
Unable to bear the sight of the
statue lying in the ditch, he
propped it up and carrying it back
to the temple restored it to its
pedestal. Thereupon the god
accused of him of failing to burn
incense and at once cursed him
with a splitting headache.
Bewildered, all the lectors of the
Purgatory Judge asked the god:
"The man who trod on you had gone
unpunished; yet the man who helped
you up has been cursed with a
headache. Why?"
"Well," the god explained, "you
ought to know that the kindhearted
people are the ones you can
bully." |
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Submitted by:
Smita, 14 Nov 2008 |
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Osma Bin Laden
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Osama bin Laden
and one of his followers were
riding on a camel when they
stopped at a small town. Bin Laden
gets off the camel and lifts up
its tail and looks at the camel's
butt, just then a guy comes over
and says, "What are you doing?"
Osama replies, "About 2 miles back
I heard someone say, 'Hey, look at
the two assholes on that camel." |
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Submitted by:
Laddy, 13 Nov 2008 |
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Bad Habits
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A young couple
decided to wed. As the big day
approached, they grew
apprehensive. Each had a problem
they had never before shared with
anyone, not even each other.
The Groom-to-be, hoping to
overcome his fear, decided to ask
his father for advice. "Father,"
he said, "I am deeply concerned
about the success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Do you love
this girl?"
"Oh yes, very much," he said," but
you see, I have very smelly feet,
and I'm afraid that my fiance will
be put off by them."
"No problem," said dad, "all you
have to do is wash your feet as
often as possible, and always wear
socks, even to bed." Well, to him
this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her
fear, decided to discuss her
problem with her mom." Mom," she
said, "When I wake up in the
morning my breath is truly awful."
"Honey," her mother consoled,
"everyone has bad breath in the
morning."
"No, you don't understand. My
morning breath is so bad, I'm
afraid that my fiance will not
want to sleep in the same room
with me."
Her mother said simply, "In the
morning, get straight out of bed,
and head for the kitchen and make
breakfast. While the family is
busy eating, go to the bathroom
and brush your teeth. The key is,
not to say a word until
you'vebrushed your teeth."
"I shouldn't say good morning or
anything?" the daughter asked.
"Not a word," her mother affirmed.
"Well, it's certainly worth a
try," she thought.
The loving couple were finally
married. Not forgetting the advice
each had received, he with his
perpetual socks and she with her
morning silence, they managed
quite well. That is, until about
six months later. Shortly before
dawn one morning, the husband
wakes with a start to find that
one of his sockshad come off.
Fearful of the consequences, he
frantically searches the bed.This,
of course, wakes his bride and
without thinking, she asks, "What
on earth are you doing?"
"Oh, my god," he replies, "you've
swallowed my sock!"
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Submitted by:
Ronni, 12 Nov 2008 |
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Im Too Tired ! |
There were three
people stranded on an island, a
brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
The brunette looked over the water
to the mainland and estimated
about 20 miles to shore.
So she announced, "I'm going to
try to swim to shore."
So she swam out five miles, and
got really tired.
She swam out ten miles from the
island, and she was too tired to
go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said
to herself, "I wonder if she made
it." I guess it's better to try to
get to the mainland than stay here
and starve." So she attempts to
swim out. The redhead had a lot
more endurance than the brunette,
as she swam out 10 miles before
she even got tired. After 15
miles, she was too tired to go on,
so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself,
"I wonder if they made it! I think
I'd better try to make it, too."
So she swam out 5 miles, ten
miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles
from the island.
The shore was just in sight, but
she said, "I'm too tired to go
on!" So she swam back. |
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