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Jokes Submitted by:
Diana, Friday, Dec 12th 2008 |
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Funeral For A Friend
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Little Tim was in
the garden filling a hole when his
neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the
cheeky-faced youngster was up to,
he politely asked, "What are you
up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim
tearfully, without looking up,
"and I've just buried him."
The neighbor said, "That's an
awfully big hole for a goldfish,
isn't it Tim?"
Tim patted down the last heap of
earth, and then replied, "That's
because he's still inside your
stupid cat." |
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Jokes Submitted by:
Mohan, Friday, Dec 12th 2008 |
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Divorce
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A married couple
is driving down the interstate
doing 55 mph. The husband is
behind the wheel. His wife looks
over at him and says, "Honey, I
know we've been married for 15
years, but, I want a divorce."
The husband says nothing but
slowly increases speed to 60 mph.
She then says, "I don't want you
to try to talk me out of it,
because I've been having an affair
with your best friend, and he's a
better lover than you."
Again the husband stays quiet and
just speeds up as he clenches his
hands on the wheels.
She says, "I want the house."
Again the husband speeds up, and
now is doing 70 mph.
She says, "I want the kids too."
The husband just keeps driving
faster, and faster, until he's up
to 80 mph.
She says, "I want the car, the
checking account, and all the
credit cards too." The husband
slowly starts to veer toward a
bridge overpass piling, as she
says, "Is there anything you
want?"
The husband says, "No, I've got
everything I need right here."
She asks, "What's that?"
The husband replies just before
they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've
got the airbag!" |
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Jokes Submitted by:
John Killy, Friday, Dec 12th 2008 |
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Gifts
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On Christmas
morning, a cop on horseback was
sitting at a traffic light. Next
to him was a kid on his shiny new
bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice
bike you've got there. Did Santa
bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year
tell Santa to put a taillight on
that bike." The cop then proceeded
to issue the kid a $20 bicycle
safety violation ticket.
The kid took the ticket, but
before he rode off he said, "By
the way, that's a nice horse you
got there. Did Santa bring that to
you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said,
"Yeah, he sure did."
The kid said, "Well, next year
tell Santa to put the dick
underneath the horse, instead of
on top." |
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Jokes Submitted by:
Rob Jackson, Friday, Dec 12th 2008 |
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The Psychological
Diagnosis
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The psychology
instructor had just finished a
lecture on mental health and was
giving an oral test.
Speaking about a specific
condition, she asked, "How would
you diagnose a patient who walks
back and forth screaming at the
top of his lungs one minute, then
sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his
hand and answered, "A basketball
coach?" |
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Jokes Submitted by:
San, Friday, Dec 12th 2008 |
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What is common
between...
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What do Viagra
And DisneyLand have in common?
They both cause you to stand
around for an hour waiting for a
two minute ride!! |
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