YOU KNOW YOU'RE ITALIAN WHEN...

- You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day,
but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
- Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but
still drives a 76 Monte Carlo.
- You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money,
but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird.
- Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel
agent are all blood relatives.
- You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious
breakfast.
- Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's
brother-in-law.
- You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.
- Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the
ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
- At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
- All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
- A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College
has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.
- You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall
owners.
- If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed
his mother had an affair.
- There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
- You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
- At some point in your life, you were a D.J
- 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto"
when answering the phone.
- You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's
thespian greatness.
- Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub
Madonna.
- You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and
wrought iron.
- You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.
- Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.
- It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your
pockets.
- Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He
shoulda kept his big yap shut."