THE ITALIAN WHO WENT TO MALTA
(must be read with an italian accent)

One day ima gonna malta to bigga hotel. ina morning i go down
to eat breakfast. i tella waitress i wanna two pissis toast.
she brings me only one piss. i tella her i want two piss. she
say go to the toilet. i say you no understand, i wanna piss onna
my plate. she say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch.
i don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

later i go to eat at the bigga restaurant. the waitress brings me
a spoon and knife but no fock. i tella her i wanna fock. she tell
me everyone wanna fock. i tell her you no understand. i wanna fock
on the table. she say you better no fock on the table, you sonna
ma bitch. so i go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits
onna my bed. call the manager and tella him i wanna shit. he tell
me to go to the toilet. i say you no understand. i wanna shit on
my bed. he say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

i go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "peace on you".
i say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, i gonna back to italy.