One Liner Jokes : One Liner Jokes

What's Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy 0'Furniture

Why did the Irishman fall out the window?
He was ironing the curtain.

Why dont't Irish Women use vibrators?
They chip their teeth

What's the definition of an Irish cocktail?
A pint of Guinness with a potatoe in it.

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins.
Her Husband demanded to know who the other man was.


How do you tell which is the bride at an irish wedding?
She's the one wearing wearing white gumboots.

Did you hear about the Irish helicopter crash?
The pilot got cold, so he turned off the fan.

Where is cleanliness next to godliness?
In the Irish dictionary.

Why do Irish men wear two condoms?
To be sure, to be sure


How do you sink an Irish submarine?
Knock on the hatch.

What's black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
An Irish electrician.

Did you hear about the Irish attempt on Mount Everest?
They ran out of scaffolding.

How do you recognise a Kerryman on an oil rig?
He's the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters.

Did you hear what happened to the Irish Sea Scouts?
Their tent sank.

Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic?
There's a 12-month waiting list.

Did you hear about the Irish mathematician who was constipated?
He worked it out with a pencil.

Did you hear about the Irish accountant who was constipated?
He couldn’t budget.

Did you hear about the Irish composer who was constipated?
He couldn’t finish his last movement.

What do you do if an Irish woman is having a fit in a bath
Put the dishes in.

Why don't Irish women eat bananas?
They can't find the zippers

How do you get rid off an Irish woman's hic-ups
Tell her she's pregnant.

Why do most Irish men die before their wives?
They want to.

Whats the difference between Irish women and washing machines?
-You don't have to hug washing machines after you put your load in them.

What's the difference between an Irish wife and a Job?
After five years a job still sucks.

What was the difference between the Dublin drug dealer and the Dublin hooker?
The Dublin hooker could wash her old, used crack, and re-sell it.

What is six feet long and smells like urine?
A line dance at a nursing home on the East Wall.

Why do Irish women play with their hair at traffic lights?
Because they don't have any balls to scratch.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

"Tree fellers wanted"
Paddy and Murphy are walking around looking for work when Paddy sees a sign, "Tree fellers wanted". Paddy says to Murphy, its a pitty theres only two of us.

What's the best thing that ever came out of Cork?
The road to Dublin

What do you call a junior Orangeman?
A pipsqueak.