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What are the best ten years of an Irishman's life?
Third grade.
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Sean was fishing and it started to rain, so he moved under the
bridge for shelter. His pal McGinty saw him and called,
"Sean, me boy, are ye afeared of a few spots o' rain, now?"
Sean replied, "I'm not...the fish come here fer shelter."
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Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the
Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.
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Then there was the Irishman who sued the local baker for forging the
Irishman's signature on a hot cross bun....
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Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with
ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room.
Paddy jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her! Oi'd
recognize her anywhere!"
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Mick was late for the performance and as he tried to find his seat
in the front row someone shouted, "Sit down in front."
"I can't," replied Mick. " I don't bend that way.'
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Two Irishmen had just won $5000,000 in a lottery. Having a pint in a
pub Tim say to Sean, what about all them beggin letters, Sean
replies, we'll just keep sending them.
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Riley was waylaid on his way home.
"Your money or your life," snarled the robber.
"Take my life," said Riley. "I'm saving my money for my old age."
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First Irish Farmer: "My cow fell down a hole and I had to shoot it."
Second Irish Farmer: "Did you shoot it in the hole?"
First Irish Farmer: " No, in the head."
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An Irishman fell a hundred feet from a building site and was asked
if he was hurt by the fall.
"Indeed not," he replied, "It wasn't the fall that hurt me at all,
it was the sudden stop."
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There's a new Irish restaurant being built near downtown L.A. They
are going to serve gourmet 7-course Irish meals.
Everyone coming the door gets a potato and a six-pack.
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Q: How do you confuse an Irish labourer?
A: Give him a Shovel and a Fork and tell him to take his pick
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Q: How do you brainwash an Irishman?
A: Pee in his wellies
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Two lawyers standing before an Irish judge got into a fierce
argument. At last one lawyer lost his temper and shouted,
"Sir you are the biggest fool that I have set eyes on."
"Order, order," said the Irish judge. "You seem to forget that I am
in the room."
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