How can you identify an Irish pirate?

He's the one with patches over both eyes.

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The Irish attempt on Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it failed: They ran out of scaffolding.

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How do you sink an Irish submarine?

Knock on the hatch.

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Incomprehensibly, the last coach of the train on a normal route kept getting smashed up by vandals. A porter came up with an idea.

"Why don't we leave the last coach off!"

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When the Irish say that St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland, what they don't tell you is that he was the only one who saw any snakes!

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Tim O'Cartny took his car to the mechanic, who told him he needed a new muffler. Tim went straight home and asked his wife to knit him one.

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An Irishman went to Somerset House, and said he wanted to change his name. They asked him what his name was.

He said "Michael Ramsbottom"

When they asked him what he wanted it changed to, he said "Eric"

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Q. What's gross ignorance?

A. One hundred and forty-four Irishmen.

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"What do Irish people do about Irishman jokes?" I was asked.

"They tell Kerryman jokes", I replied

"Well what about the Kerrymen then, what do they do about Kerryman jokes then?"

"They put them into books and sell them to Englishmen", I said

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Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.

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SOS for the deep sea divers of the Irish Oil Rig in the North Sea:

"Come up at once, your rig is sinking."

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Q. How can you identify an Irish pirate?

A. He's the one with patches over both eyes.

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Q. Did you hear about the Irish attempt on Mt. Everest?

A. They ran out of scaffolding.