So Murphy had been greeted by the stunning news that he was to become a father for the first time. Jumping with joy, he couldn't wait to go out and celebrate with his pals. But first he must tend to the needs of his lovely wife Kate.

'Now my darling, I'm just popping along the road for a few minutes. Is there anything you'd like while I'm out?'

'Yes Pat,' said Kate. 'I'd like you to buy some snails. I just fancy cooking them in garlic butter tonight. So don't be long will you?'

Till be back before you know it,' promised Pat, full of good intentions.

Two hours later, bag of snails in hand, he was still propping up Mooney's bar and wetting the baby's head for the umpteenth time.

Finally he decided to do the right thing and bade farewell to his pals and stumbled out into the night. Weaving from side to side, he eventually reached his house and tottered up towards the door.

Sadly, in trying to get his keys out of his pocket, he dropped the bag of snails and 'crack' it split open on the step scattering snails everywhere.

The noise woke Kate who opened the bedroom window and shouted down:

'What's going on? Where have you been all this time?'

Murphy looked down at the snails, clapped his hands and said:

'Come on lads - we're nearly home!'