My dad had an accountant who every time the company had to package plans to send to a client would ask the messenger to "Fack it up well, okay?"

While shopping at SM Megamall, a saleslady was helping me choose an appropriate gift to buy and I happened to be looking at a nice nightdress. The saleslady said, "Fair yan." Puzzled, I asked, "Fair?" And she replied, "Oo, they come in fairs!"

A Filipino was arrested in San Francisco for illegal parking. He was incensed. He said to the police, "Why you give me a facking ticket? I only facked here por payb minutes!"

In response to the question, "How often do you smoke?", the Filipino answered, "Two facks a day."