To My Countrymen

Dear peoples from di Phillipines,

As you are already informed via the internit, you should all be fully in awareness that I am going to be the next President of the Philippines. Now I know all the votes are not yet fully counted, but who cares about counting all the votes? You've seen one ballot, you've seen them all. Trust me, they all look the same.

I am in knowing that many of you peoples here have somethings in reserved against me, and also thats many of you often make fun of me. So plees, plees let me re-insure you that I am not the man you are thinking I am. Many of the mudslingings about me from my opposers are lies, or things that are in the past. And I am not as stoopid as you beleive. I know how to subtract 2 plus 2, I can spell english better than Dan Kwayl, I know about economics and the law of sublime and demand.

Underneath this barong, pantalon, and leopard briefs, is a man who knows what to do. You only need to ask the many women who have seen me and been with me naked to confirm this truth. I know what to do for our nation. I will do everything inhumanly possible to carry our nation into the dawn of the new century, the 2000th century. I want to make sure that when I am over my term, that the economy will have improved from all the money that I will have circulated into my pockets.

In conclustion, I would like to close by saying to you peoples, to please respect the will of the Philiphino voters, forget about parties and politics, and unite behind my back.

Thank you.

President-erect of the Philippines,

Joseph "Erap" Estrada