In 1908, shortly before the death of the formidable Empress Dowager, Tzu Hsi, Ferdinand Feghoot sentimentally tried to save her doomed Chinese Empire. (He had ruled as the Emperor Fei Hu, 357-329 B.C.) Though she paid no heed to his counsels, his mission was by no means an absolute failure. He did save the life of her Master Chef, venerable Mao Shih-pen.

A young lion had escaped from the zoo, and the Empress decreed that when it was cornered and shot it would be the piece de resistance at a most splendid banquet. The top mandarins were invited, and the whole diplomatic corps. After any number of delicate dishes were served, finally in came Mao's masterpiece.

Everyone set to eagerly, and there was a sudden dead silence. The dish tasted awful. The French ambassador actually spat his first bite into his napkin.

The furious Empress had Mao dragged before her. "Such insulting incompetence," she screamed, "must be punished!" And she sentenced him to suffer the death of a thousand cuts.

Instantly, Feghoot threw himself at her feet. Be merciful, Heavenborn!" he cried out. "Master Mao wasn't responsible. Your political enemies have been spiking his tea with straight alcohol! He was drunk without knowing it!"

"How do you know this?" she demanded.

"It was obvious," replied Ferdinand Feghoot. "The poor old man couldn't even wok a strayed lion."